Stop and Smell the Gardenias

Gardenias are my Mother's favorite flower.  She has always loved the fragrant blossoms that bloom in the spring and summer.  They are "happy flowers" for me, reminding me of summer breezes that gracefully spread their potent fragrance throughout the yard.  It saddens me, but the blossoms on my gardenia bushes are now beginning to wither.  My mother and children have been picking the flowers and placing them in dishes throughout the house, trying to wring out the last bit of perfume before the blossoms turn brown and fall to the ground.

This afternoon, we took a walk around the yard, and stopped to smell the gardenias.  At first glance, the bush was full of withered, brown blossoms, but there were a few lone, white flowers that remained.  These few blossoms were still fragrant enough to "smell up" the yard, even though they were few in number. 

Most afternoons, I would have probably found myself in a hurry, while in the yard.  I would be rushing my children inside for homework and baths, sweeping off the front porch, or picking up stray litter that blew over from the neighboring high school.  I would not have taken the time to "stop and smell the gardenias".

As cliche' as it sounds, we live a hurried life...there's always someone to see, someplace to go, or something to do.  When you are faced with your own mortality, whether you receive a cancer diagnosis or just have the dreaded common cold, we need to make certain that we prioritize the things in our lives, and take time for the little things.  I realized that today...if I hadn't been standing outside with my Mom, I would have never stopped to snap a photo of her by the withering gardenia bush, or take the time to inhale the special fragrance of the beautiful white blossom.

As life passes us by, it's very difficult to always remain focused on the positive, when it would be so much easier to dwell on the negative.  I'm not always "Suzy Sunshine", and even though I try to remain upbeat and positive (especially for my family), I'm also a realist..  Last night, as my children were asleep in their beds, Jeff and I spent some time on the back deck discussing the "what-ifs".  What if my cancer has spread?  What if it's somewhere else? It was the first time that I actually verbalized my fears, but I needed to share.  The thoughts were just fleeting, but they were still real.  I know that God is in control, but it still doesn't mean I can't ask questions from time to time...Oh, how easy it would be to dwell on those negative thoughts, and let them consume me.

Today, I ventured out of the house.  (Briefly, as it was so very exhausting!)  Mom and I went to Walgreens, in search for some children's cold medicine.  Right in front of the Coca-Cola display, Dr. Martin called.  Praise God, the only cancerous lymph nodes were the two sentinel nodes that tested positive during surgery. He reported the surgical margins were clear and the remainder of the lymph nodes from underneath my arm were free of cancer cells! God is good! (You can learn more about surgical margins here.)

Whether taking time to smell the gardenias, or turning the smallest events into "sprinkle" celebrations, life is fleeting, and passes quickly, especially in our hectic world.  Sometimes, it's the fact that most flowers are brown that makes the fragrance even sweeter, or the fact that a great news is even better after a gloomy night.  Take after the Nike commercial, and "Just Do It!"  Stop and smell the gardenias, before they are all gone.

Have to share this picture of my "angelic" mother that was taken today....as the sunbeams were shining down, it made me think that the "Hallelujah Chorus" should be playing in the background!

Thank you for your prayers, but please remember those who may have unspoken prayer requests, also.  God knows who they are.

TTFN,
-S

The Results Show - Part One

My children like reality shows.  Adelia and Arleigh love "So You Think You Can Dance".  (They even picked Melanie as the winner from day one!).  Griffen loves the survival type shows, especially "Top Shot" on the History Channel.  Jeff enjoys  some of the BBQ / Cooking shows.  You might also find our television on America's Next Top Model or American Idol.   Generally, after the season is over, there is a "Results Show".  The show is over-hyped, advertised widely, some entertainment factor, and then you find out who wins.  That was kind-of like my appointment today...

In my mind, today was going to be a traumatic event.  I was going to schedule the removal of my breast.  Through my blog, my fears were shared with you, and I felt your prayers today.  My parents came to the appointment with me, and there was a calming peace throughout the entire process.  I know that my peace came from the blanket of prayers surrounding me.

So, here's Part I of my "Results Show"...

Tentatively (confirmation will be received tomorrow), I am scheduled for a right breast mastectomy on Wednesday, September 7.  The left mastectomy will be performed at the time of reconstruction, at a later date.  My HER2 results are negative, which is great news! (HER2 positive breast cancers are much more aggressive and less responsive to hormone treatments.)  Dr. Martin will perform a "skin sparing mastectomy".  This type of surgery conserves as much of the breast skin as possible, for later reconstruction.

From my MRI, there is an additional suspicious area and lymph node.  Dr. Martin believes that these areas are a result from trauma the breast received from the core needle biopsy.  Regardless of the outcome, the surgical procedure will remain the same.  The surgery will last approximately 90 minutes.  Only the breast tissue is removed, not any of the muscle beneath the breast tissue.  I will stay overnight in the hospital, and then be released.

The morning of surgery, after routine IVs begin, I will be administered a radioactive injection (more glow sticks!), and then during surgery, a medical-type geiger counter will be used to identify the suspicious areas.  They will also take a biopsy of the Sentinel Node during surgery.  This sample will be frozen immediately in the operating room, and then tested.  The results will be known prior to the completion of the surgery.  If the biopsy is positive, then the lymp node will be removed.  This is very important, as it will determine treatment.

The pathology results will be known 2-3 days after surgery. (That will be Part II of the Results Show)  From the results, the oncologist will determine the best treatment plan.  There is a possibility of just chemotherapy, or a combination of chemotherapy and radiation, depending on the results.  The best part is that recovery from the surgery will be less than four weeks, and that pain is minimal...compared more to muscle pain after strenuous exercising.(Like I'd know anything about that!)

Dr. Martin was very reassuring to my parents, and they are very impressed...especially the fact that he shared his faith with them during the appointment.  He stated that God is the Healer, he is only the tool, and that he uses his God-given gift  to help others.   Any surgeon who doesn't believe in God, is just one blood-vessel away from knowing differently!  (How's that for a testimony?)

The Cancer Center is calling tomorrow to schedule my Breast Cancer Gene Test (BRCA).  I'll write more about that in a later blog.  The results of the genetic testing can affect my mother, sister, and daughters, as well as my ovaries!

Dr. Martin assured my Mom and Dad that he would take very good care of me during surgery, and would make certain that the other members of my treatment team would continue in the same manner.

I don't have all of the answers to my questions, but I have the ones that matter.  It reminds me that everything is in HIS time, not ours!

TTFN,
-S

The Tale of Two Boxes

This actual MRI machine was used today for my Breast MRI.

Today was a tale of two boxes.  You would think that the two boxes refer to the Breast MRI that was scheduled for today, but actually, that's only one of the boxes.  (Ok, go on and laugh...you thought I was talking about my breasts, didn't you? :)

I arrived at the MRI Center a little before 7:30 a.m.  Went through registration and was handed paperwork to fill out and present to the technician when my name was called.  You know the paperwork...attached to a clipboard with a cheap pen.  Routine questions that normally I don't give a second thought to.  I just go down the lengthy column marking no, no, no, no, no no.  Heart disease, high blood pressure, seizures, diabetes..and then I stopped.  There it was with a box beside it.  CANCER.  For the first time ever, I had to mark yes in the "Cancer Box" on a form.  Still, hours after, I can not find the words to describe how surreal that moment was.  I, Shelby Marie Hobbs Henderson put an "X" in the Yes column by cancer.  I've been told by the surgeon that I have cancer.  I told my children I have cancer.  I told my family and friends that I have cancer.  I've shared my soul on this blog about cancer, but putting an "X" in the cancer box was reality, beyond measure for me!

I was then taken back to the MRI waiting areas by a very nice MRI technician, Victor.  He had a great personality, and when I asked if I could take a photo of the MRI machine for my blog, his reply was, "Wait a minute and let me tidy up!".  It was quite humorous standing there with my phone while he got the wrinkles out of the sheet on the MRI machine!  The photo on this post is the actual machine that was used for my Breast MRI.  You can read about the Breast MRI process here.  I was face-down for the process. The MRI machine utilizes a type of breast plate with "boxes" for your breasts.  Wendy (the other great technician I met today), positioned my breasts in the boxes.  I thought of them almost as little coffins for my boobs!  Your arms are above your head, with an IV in, as contrast is administered.  During the process, you are told not to move. The table is then moved into the MRI machine feet first.  Trying not to breath too deeply, earplugs in, IV in your arm, breasts in the boxes, and then the loud clicking noises start!  Images were taken before the contrast began, during, and then after the contrast had fully reached the area in question.  The purpose of the MRI was to see if there were any additional occult cancer, or cancers that are not visible on a mammogram or ultrasound.

The process was not pleasant.  If you've ever had a scan with contrast, you know that it feels very weird.  The contract used in Breast MRIs is not iodine based, and therefore is supposed to be more tolerable than that used in CT scans.  I could feel the contrast as it traveled through my body.  I imagined it kind of like a sparkly florescent glow.  First my head, then my shoulders, chest, abdomen, etc...  It was not pleasant, but I kept telling myself that this was miniscule compared the challenges that I will be facing in the next month and beyond.  When Victor let me know that there was only about seven minutes left, I thought I was going to lose it.  Not go crazy, but literally lose whatever contents were in my stomach (only a few sips of Coke Zero).  My breasts were probably lit up like a "Lite-Brite" on their monitor, and I felt like I was going to vomit all over a million dollar machine!

Thanks to God that I didn't vomit, and the procedure was finally over.  Wendy and I had a nice conversation about my proposed treatment, and she said she would add me to her prayers.  As soon as the procedure was over and images saved, they were immediately available for Dr. Martin to pull up, but he most likely won't receive the official radiologist report until Friday.

I was able to return to work, but have felt rather weak and nauseated all day.  Hopefully that will subside with a good night's sleep. Even with the way I've felt, my day was filled with unexpected "sprinkles"...literally and figuratively.  The outpouring of love, concern and prayers that I am receiving is unbelievable.  Unexpected cards and tokens of love are lifting my spirits higher.  Upon my arrival at work after my MRI, I had a large bag of sprinkles waiting for me in my school mailbox, with a note!  I love my sprinkles : )

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Dr. Martin called around 4:30 p.m. with more news.  Thank God my left breast is cancer free and there are no other cancer cells visible on the MRI!!!   He also said that at my appointment Tuesday, we will schedule my surgery. Thank you God and my Prayer Army!

TTFN,
-S

My Television "Medical Drama" Day (& The Results!)

Today was my medical drama day!  It's the day that my surgeon presented my case at a breast cancer symposium.  I've tried to picture all day what it was like...surgeon, physicians, oncologists, plastic surgeons and other medical professionals gathered together.  They are gathered together in a room, coffee and a danish on the table in front of them (I would have preferred cream-cheese), and then the spotlight is on me...or the C-sized parts of me. 

I've been thinking of medical drama episodes on television:  Grey's Anatomy, House, and ER...might even add in some Guiding Light, General Hospital and Young and the Restless. McDreamy, McSteamy, House, George Clooney, and Rick Bauer all sitting around discussing my case.  I suppose as films and ultrasound results of my chest are flashed up for all to see, someone says, (I think it might sound better if you imagine this is in a deep, masculine voice -kind of like Chief Webber on Grey's) "... 38 year old female, recently diagnosed with IDC*. No family history, no alcohol use, no drug use, no tobacco use.  Breast-fed three children, with first live birth at age 24.  Patient is not peri or post-menopausal."  Then they use a lot of terminology that I haven't learned yet (or don't know the results of yet), and then proceed to discuss how they believe my journey should proceed.

IDC is Invasive or Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma.  The "I" portion refers to the fact that the cancer has spread outside of the duct, invading the surrounding tissues.  With this type of cancer, the cells may travel to other parts of your body or lymph nodes. (We don't know if mine have yet.)  The "D" portion refers to the origin, which means that the cancer originated in the lining of a milk duct within my breast, and I think you can figure out what the "C" stands for.  

More than180,000 women in the United States are diagnosed with Invasive Breast Cancer each year, according to the American Cancer Society.  The majority of those diagnosed have invasive ductal carcinoma.  Generally two-thirds of the women diagnosed with  invasive breast cancer are aged 55 or older when diagnosed.

It has been my prayer today that God utilize the knowledge and wisdom of the physicians gathered together, and that collectively, harmoniously and unanimously they decide the best course of treatment for my cancer.  (Think otherwise; Who wants to hear that by a vote of 8-6 your treatment was decided ???) 

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 Earlier this evening, I was ready to publish this post, and Dr. Martin called with great news!  Thanks to God!

My Estrogen Receptor (ER) is positive at 100%, and the Progesterone Receptor (PR) is positive at 90%.  I'll share more about what this means tomorrow (as I research myself), but apparently it's great news!  HER2 results are not available.  My tumor is between 2 and 3 cm.  Dr. Martin was very excited and said those were the best results we could have received!  He said he called Saturday with bad news, but wanted to call today with great news : )

He also reported on the symposium.  The symposium was held this morning, with surgeons, oncologists, plastic surgeons, and radiation oncologists (I think that's what they were called?).  They were all unanimous and agreed with Dr. Martin's proposed treatment plan of a double mastectomy followed by chemotherapy.  If my lymph nodes are indeed negative, there is a high chance that after my mastectomy, I will be cancer free!!!

Chemotherapy would be done as an added measure to prevent possible recurrence.  "If you have a garden, you pull the weeds, but you still might spray the garden after", said Dr. Martin.

Tomorrow is my MRI, and I pray that the results of it will be as positive as the ones I received today.

It was a "sprinkle day" after all...THANK YOU for your support and prayers!

TTFN,
-S