Trust in the Lord...

Graphic from lesleygrainger.com

Tomorrow is another big day for me.  Surgery is scheduled bright and early. Although many women have hysterectomies at age 40, mine is a direct result and recommendation from my breast cancer diagnosis.  It's another "what now" added to the "will this ever be over?"  Over the past few days, people have asked, "Are you scared?"  Truthfully, the answer is NO!

Since I was a teenager, my favorite Bible verses have been Proverbs 3:5-6. We have most likely all read these verses in Proverbs and perhaps even committed them to memory.  Over the past two years, these verses have come to have an even bigger significance to me, and their meaning guides all of my decisions.  My prayers have been answered, and I know without a doubt that God led me to some incredible people in my life.  

My surgeon, oncologist, radiologist, gynecologist, health personnel and new friends have all been placed in my life for a reason.  I have been blessed with my medical referrals, and I truly believe that the Lord led me to these individuals.  Therefore, when told I need surgery, I am trusting in the Lord.  (I still get on the Internet and educate myself, but it is not to second guess the decision that has been made.)

In some ways, I am looking forward to the benefits of having a hysterectomy and oophorectomy (removal of the ovaries).  Since chemo began in October of 2011, I have been in what I like to call "Chemo-Pause".  My cancer is fed by estrogen and progesterone,  so I have also been on Tamoxifen for 18 months.  That medication stopped my ovaries from producing estrogen...so I have been experiencing all of the menopausal symptoms.  I have extreme mood swings (just ask Jeff and the children), my own personal summers (love my little fan that sits on my desk at work), and no cycles.  The lack of cycles has led to endometrial hyperplasia, or a thickened uterine lining, which can lead to cervical cancer.  I had a biopsy back in July, and the results were benign.  Having surgery will eliminate the pelivic pain I have been having, and more importantly remove another site that cancer might grow in my body.  Unlike Angelia Jolie, my cancer is not genetically linked, so I didn't have a hysterectomy immediately after diagnosis with my mastectomy.

A hysterectomy won't solve all of my problems (I will still be an overweight, stressed out wife and mother with curly hair, one breast, a right side that is covered with a mastectomy scar, radiation scarring and hard as a rock - what the doctors call "woody"), but it will eliminate many.  Are there complications, yes...more than I wish to think about, but I am choosing to "Trust in the Lord".  When we turn problems over to God, we can't keep "taking them back" to work on ourselves.  Does God present us with opportunities to help ourselves, yes...but I choose to trust HIM to lead my path and make decisions.

Report time is 5:30 a.m. Monday morning.  My surgery will take place at the Medical Center of Central Georgia.  Dr. John Slocumb is my gynecologist who will perform the surgery. He is very personable and has a wonderful southern drawl!  The plan is that I will have a robotic hysterectomy, using the daVinci system.  This is minimally invasive and has a quicker recovery time.  However, until Dr. Slocumb scopes around, he won't know for certain if that method can be used or not.  Fortunately, he is going to "look around good" for any other possible issues while inside my pelvic region.  My wonderful mother is here to be my personal nurse-maid, so I know that I will be in great hands.  After surgery, I will have to spend one to two nights in the hospital, and then will be released.

As I begin my list of things to do prior to surgery, I have a sense of calmness.  I am trusting in the Lord!  If there are complications or issues tomorrow, I know that with His help, and the love, support and prayers from my family and friends, things will be ok.

During my vacation over the next few weeks, I plan on catching you up on everything that has happened and the future plans.

Please remember me, my surgeons and my family in your prayers tomorrow. I know that I will be surrounded by your love!  (Also, say an extra prayer for me this afternoon / evening as I begin my pre-surgery requirements. Spending the evening with a bottle of Miralax and a gallon of Gatorade will be so much fun!)

TTFN,

-S

A Promise to Catch Up

When I began this journey, I was very open and honest with you in my thoughts, feelings and experiences.  As my health declined during my treatments, I stopped writing.  I still felt your thoughts and prayers, but it almost came to the point that if I was living it, I didn't want to write about it, too.

Now that I'm older (and hopefully wiser), menopausal and growing more "hair bling" (that's what a friend calls gray hairs),  I realize that in some ways it was just the cowardly way of dealing with things.  In an attempt to "catch you up", I will try to cover the events of the last year, in my journey with breast cancer.  After 19 months with this journey, I still wait for the day to be told that I am "cancer free", but so far, that has not happened. I have learned not to sweat the small stuff, (except when I'm having a hot flash!) and live every day as a gift.

TTFN
-S

P.S.  Have you had your mammogram recently?

The Difference One Year Makes

I love the community that I live in.  In many ways, it feels like a little chunk of Middle Georgia was carved out, modernized it a bit, but somehow managed to keep the  important "Hometown Pride".  The community takes ownership of its' events and causes...like Relay for Life.

With great pride, I say that our "Relay for Life" event is a big deal.  The whole town turns out to show their support!  Schools, churches, businesses and civic groups all have their themed tables, as team members gather round the JCHS track to show their support for the American Cancer Society. The local newspaper even prints a special supplement for the newspaper!

As I prepare to attend this year's Relay for Life event this evening, things will be different.  I'm not going to watch my children or students perform.  I'm not going to support my school's team, see my friends, or entertain my children for a few hours.  Tonight, I'm attending my first "Relay for Life" as a survivor.  I will participate in the survivor's lap, with my family continuing to support me as the wonderful caregivers they have been.  There will be luminaries lit with my name on them.

RFL chains were sold at my school as a fundraiser.

This morning, as I took my children to the babysitter's before school, Griffen made a statement that had a profound impact on me.  As we passed the Relay for Life site, he said, "Mom, you know this year, you are a survivor!"  The past eight months have been a roller coaster ride that most can only imagine.  Since I heard those words, "you have cancer", I've been cut on, drained, poisoned, pumped full of steroids, burned to a crisp, and lost all of my hair.  There have been tears shed some days, and laughter heard on others...but I have always felt supported. Due to the lymph node involvement of my breast cancer, my oncologist can not tell me I'm cancer free.  There could be rouge cancer cells still floating around in my body, but I am choosing not to dwell upon that possibility (even though it's always lurking in the back of my mind).  Just as Griffen said, I am a survivor!

This evening, when my family attends Jones County's Relay for Life, it will be my first.  My first event as a cancer survivor. Oh, what a difference one year can make.  Just like last year, I will proudly wear my Jones County Relay for Life shirt, but I'll have something new...my wig!